Introduction to thoughts and feelings: Self-esteem

Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself. Everyone lacks confidence sometimes but people with low self-esteem are unhappy or unsatisfied with themselves most of the time. Low self-esteem can cause problems including depression and anxiety.

Self-esteem building

Self-esteem is strongly related to how you view and react to the things that happen in your life. Suggestions for building self-esteem include:

• Talk to yourself positively – treat yourself as you would your best friend. Be supportive, kind and understanding. Don’t be hard on yourself when you make a mistake.
• Challenge negative ‘self-talk’ – every time you criticise yourself, stop and look for objective evidence that the criticism is true. (If you feel you can’t be objective, then ask a trusted friend for their opinion.) You’ll realise that most of your negative self-talk is unfounded.
• Don’t compare yourself to others – recognise that everyone is different and that every human life has value in its own right. Make an effort to accept yourself, warts and all.
• Acknowledge the positive – for example, don’t brush off compliments, dismiss your achievements as ‘dumb luck’ or ignore your positive traits.
• Appreciate your special qualities – remind yourself of your good points every day. Write a list and refer to it often. (If you feel you can’t think of anything good about yourself, ask a trusted friend to help you write the list.)
• Forget the past – concentrate on living in the here-and-now rather than reliving old hurts and disappointments.
• Tell yourself a positive message everyday – buy a set of ‘inspirational cards’ and start each day reading out a new card and carrying the card’s message with you all day.
• Stop worrying – ‘worry’ is simply fretting about the future. Accept that you can’t see or change the future and try to keep your thoughts in the here-and-now.
• Have fun – schedule enjoyable events and activities into every week.
• Exercise – it is such a good boost to the brain for all kinds of things but especially in combatting depression and helping you to feel good. Targets need to be step by step, such as starting with a walk round the block once a day, enrolling at a local gym class or going for a swim.
• Be assertive – communicate your needs, wants, feelings, beliefs and opinions to others in a direct and honest manner.
• Practise the above suggestions every day – it takes effort and vigilance to replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviours with healthier versions. Give yourself time to establish the new habits. Keep a diary or journal to chart your progress.